The Notebook
by SapphoAndCyanide
Summary: Cath finds a notebook filled with poems and other writings at work.Will she figure out who the author is? CS.CHAPTER 4 is up!
1. Chapter 1

The Notebook

_**The Notebook**_

Summary: Catherine finds a notebook at work filled with poems. Will she figure who wrote them in the end? CS. Poetry

A/N: These are my poems. I just decided to put them in this story as a way to get them out there and as an excuse to post somethin on my new profile.

Disclaimer: Only the poems are mine unless stated otherwise. CSI belongs to CBS.

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**Chapter 1: Friday**

Catherine Willows strolled into the LV Crime Lab's locker room, happy that shift was finally over. Now she could go home and relax for the weekend before starting the work week all over again. She sighed contently, nothing but pajamas, ice cream, and lame movies in bed for her this weekend.

She made her way over to her locker and began gathering her things before she noticed something on the ground from the corner of her eye. Her gaze found it's way to a small composition notebook lying on the concrete floor. Any other day she would have dismissed the book and went back to what she was doing, but something made her pick it up.

'_I should just leave this on the bench in case whoever it belongs comes back to get it. It looks important, wonder what's in it.'_

Catherine was never one to pry into someone else's private writing's, but she figured she would open the notebook and see if there was a name inside.

She slowly opened the notebook and her eyes skimmed the first page. No name, but there was something.

"A poem…"

It wouldn't hurt to just read a little bit. Her lips moved quietly, reading the poem to herself:

'_If I Told You I Was Dying Would You Die Too?_

_If I Told You That I Loved You, Would You Say It Back?_

_If I Never Spoke Again Would You Still Whisper My Name?_

_If We Were A Thousand Miles Apart, Would You Still Be Right Here?_

_Would You Still Look At Me The Same If I Told You My Hopes And Fears?_

_Would You Cry When I Cried And Laughed When I Laughed?_

_Would You Forgive Me If I Ever Wronged You?_

_Would You Hold Me Forever And Never Let Go?_

_If I Stopped Breathing Would You Never Breathe Again?_

_If You Could Have Anyone Would You Still Choose Me?_

_If Today Was The End Would You Make It Last Forever?_

…_I Would'_

She finished the last line before closing the book.

"Wow," The blonde whispered, tempted to read farther into the notebook. But before she could her cell phone started beeping; it was her alarm.

"Shit! I'm gonna be late for Lindsey's recital!" Catherine grabbed her purse and slammed her locker shut. She placed the notebook on top of the lockers without giving it a second thought before rushing out of the room.

TBC…

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Review and I will add another chapter. Hope it was slightly entertaining.

Nicole


	2. Monday

Wow, I'm surprised I got ANY good feedback for this story, much obliged peoples

_Wow, I'm surprised I got ANY good feedback for this story, much obliged peoples!_

_Disclaimer: Sadly, I only own the poem. But gawd, if I owned Sara…uh, well let's not get into that. Lol.jk._

_A/N: These first few chapters will probably be short, but they WILL get longer later on, promise!_

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_**Chapter 2: Monday**_

Another weekend had come and gone; all too fast in Catherine's opinion, but she managed to walk into work Monday night in a somewhat chipper mood. Part of that good mood was because Gil was at an Etymology Convention in New York so that gave her seniority for the week, a big ego booster for her.

She headed for the break room to hand out assignments. When she walked in she did a silent head count to make sure the whole team was there.

"Where the hell is Sara?" Catherine commented as scanned the room.

Greg looked around half-heartedly, already knowing that the brunette was not in the room. "Beats me," He shrugged and turned back to the video game he was playing with Nick.

Catherine rolled her eyes at his lack of enthusiasm.

"She's never late," Nick began. "So my guess is she's around here somewhere." He poured the blonde a cup of coffee and handed to her and if on cue Sara came trudging into the room, her eyes darting everywhere as if she was waiting for something to jump out at her.

"Hey, you ok Sar?" Warrick eyed her strangely. "You look kinda…" He tried to think of what he was going to say.

"…Shifty." Greg finished for him.

Sara seemed to finally acknowledge that there were other people in the room for the first time. "Huh? Oh, no, I'm just loo- uh, actually it's nothing. Nevermind." The severe agitation was obvious in her tone. She sat down at the glass table as the rest of the team joined her, waiting for their assignments.

Catherine thought that Sara was acting kind of strange but dismissed it and got down to business.

"Ok, Nicky and Greg, you guys get a Double Homicide over on Madison. Rick, you and Sara have a B&E by the Strip."

"Fine," Sara grabbed the paper with the address from Catherine and stormed out of the room, Warrick close behind, giving Catherine an apologetic glance.

"What the hell was that about?" Nick muttered to Greg as they left were walking out of the room.

"C'mon, you know Sara and Catherine hate each other. Sara's probably fuming that Grissom put Cat in charge…" The former lab rat replied in a low voice so that the blonde couldn't hear, but she did.

'_What? Sara and I don't hate each other. At least, I don't hate __her__. We're just not exactly chummy…' _ Catherine thought to herself as she headed towards her office. _'Who knows how she really feels about me. She can't be angry just because Gil put me in charge, could she?'_

She decided to push the issue to the back of her mind and focus on her paperwork; she would talk to the brunette after shift.

…/…/…/…

Shift passed by incredibly slow, but Catherine figured that was just because she had _nothing _to do. She couldn't have been happier when she looked at the clock and noticed it was finally time to leave. She started heading to the locker room when she bumped into Sara just outside her door.

"Hey Sara, can I talk to you?" Catherine matched her steps up with the brunette's to catch up with her.

"Uh, can it wait til tomorrow Catherine? I got things to do." She sounded even more agitated than before.

"No it can't wait." Catherine stated firmly, trying not to get too angry at the brunette without knowing what was bothering her.

They both stopped walking. Sara rolled her eyes. "Fine,"

"No, not 'fine', Sidle. I'm just trying to figure out why you have been so damn snappy tonight!" The blonde's hands went straight t her hips, her voice rising without realizing it.

"Forget it Catherine, it doesn't concern you." The brunette turned and started walking again before Catherine shot out:

"Fine Sara! I don't care what your fucking problem is! It just better not affect your job!"

Sara shook her head and kept walking until she was out of the older CSI's sight. Catherine balled her fists and made a beeline to the locker room. She felt instantly drained as she sat down on one of the benches. She didn't like fighting with her co-workers, but it seemed like lately, it was one of Sara's favorite hobbies.

"That's woman has some serious freakin issues." Catherine muttered to herself, she looked up towards the ceiling in frustration and sighed, as her gaze started moving down she was met with a familiar sight… "The notebook's still here..."

She grabbed the book without even thinking and opened it without even thinking.

"Well if no one came back for it over the whole weekend it must not be that important."

'_Or maybe they just couldn't find it still.'_

"Or _maybe _they just didn't look very hard."

The CSI cursed under her breath. She hated when she had arguments with herself. She shook her head to clear her mind.

'_I will just read the next page, maybe it will give me some clue as to who this belongs to so I can get it back to them.'_

"Ya Cath, that's good; give yourself some justification for being nosey."

…She turned to the second page of the notebook and began reading:

'_**Sometimes**_

_Sometimes It's Hiding In The Mirror,_

_That Monster From Your Dreams_

_Sometimes You Don't Want To Look Behind You,_

_Afraid Of What You May See_

_Sometimes You Just Want To Scream,_

_Drown Out The Words You Do Not Want To Hear_

_Frozen by Pain and Trapped by Fear_

_Sometimes You Can't Run Away_

_It's Right Behind You And It's Here To Stay.'_

Catherine re-read the poem once more. _'That was oddly deep. Dark. But deep.'_ It just didn't give her much help as to finding out who wrote it.

"It sounds like something Greg would write, he's dark like that…" The blonde reasoned. "Eh, but the handwriting's too nice. Maybe—"

Before she could finish her thought her cell phone started ringing.

"Hello? Oh hey Nancy…Ya, I'm just on my way out now…" As she continued her conversation with her sister she absentmindedly slipped the notebook into her purse and walked out of the room without even realizing…

**TBC…**

Sooooo yaaaa…I don't really know what that was. I was kinda lost with this chapter. Sorry. Next one will be better! And sorry the poem sucked. These are ones I have saved and I just randomly picked that one, I hate the last line of it, it doesn't flow…oh well…

REVIEW!!

Nicole.


	3. Monday Afternoon

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**Sorry for the wait. I'm not one for consistency when it comes to writing anymore. I think because I'm my own biggest critic it stops me from wanting to update on a regular basis. Damn my inferiority complex.**

**Disclaimer: Don't you think if I owned CSI I would have stopped it from turning to crap unlike the producers? I own NOTHING.**

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_**Monday Afternoon**_

Catherine had gone out to breakfast with her sister that morning, so the fact that she had accidentally taken the notebook remained oblivious to her psyche until she got home that afternoon. Normally, she would have been asleep hours ago, but she hadn't really spent time with Nancy in awhile so a little sleep depravation later at work was something she was willing to handle.

It was around noon when she finally trudged upstairs into her bedroom, she decided to take a quick shower. When she got out she felt completely relaxed, she knew she would have no trouble falling asleep now.

She sat at the edge of her queen size bed and picked her purse up from the ground to retrieve her cell phone so she could charge it when her hand made contact with something unfamiliar inside of it…She pulled it out and instantly recognized it from work.

"Oh crap," She muttered. "Where'd this come from?"

Catherine leaned against her headboard and ran her fingers through her hair while trying to figure out what to do.

'_Well obviously I can't do anything about it until I get into work tonight.' _She reasoned to make herself feel less guilty about accidentally taking something so private that obviously didn't belong to her.

She sighed and opened the book to the next un-read page. She knew she was going to hell in a hand basket for this one, but she was determined to figure out who this thing belonged to.

She did a quick skim over of the page. It didn't look like a poem this time; but a journal entry. The blonde felt a slight pang of guilt. She couldn't read this; it was more private than the poems, but something told her this would give her a better idea of who the mystery writer was…so she read, despite her conscious telling her not to.

'_January 17__th__, 2008_

_I swear to God I'm going crazy here, she's __driving __me crazy. If she yells at me one more time I just might lose it…'_

"I hear that." Catherine grumbled to herself. She had only been with a handful of women in her lifetime, but she knew how they could be. Hell, she knew how _she _could be. She wasn't exactly one of the easiest women to be with and she would fully admit it. After Eddie, she promised herself she would never lower herself for any man _'or woman_,' again…She continued reading.

'_I want to hate her, I really do, but it's the complete opposite. I care about her too much to tell her how I feel. I'd lose her completely if she knew, and I'd rather keep what little we share than risk losing it all because I can't keep my big mouth shut…So I push her away; make sure I can't give her a reason to suspect anything other than how I appear on the outside. It's better that way. I'll get over her eventually…It's just a crush.'_

Catherine felt her heart go out to the writer. She had had her fair share of crushes that never panned out for whatever reason. She knew how hard it was to care about someone so much, but knowing the inevitability was that it would never work.

She closed the notebook and got under the covers. Staring up at the white ceiling she couldn't help but continue pondering who could've possibly written all this. Part of her reasoned it couldn't have been a man, because out of all of the guys she knew at the lab; _none _seemed capable of forming anything resembling poetry. But at the same time she didn't know of any women who were gay or even _bi_, other than herself. That didn't mean of course that there _weren't _any women at the lab like that, it just meant they weren't out of the closet at work…Which didn't help anything. In fact, it only broadened the list of possible people the book could have belonged to.

She burrowed deeper under the covers and closed her eyes. All this confusion was just making her more tired, and she didn't want to be walking around the lab like a zombie later when she knew she would most likely have to work a case…

"_I'll just flat out ask everyone if they know the notebook belongs to…" _

With that issue somewhat resolved, Catherine felt herself finally giving into sleep.

**TBC…**

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Ok, I know in reality Catherine would have never gotten past the second page once realizing it was a diary-type thing, but she had to lose part of her conscious in order for this fic to make even a little bit of sense. Next chapter; the notebook gets returned and Catherine gets yelled at…

REVIEW!!

Nicole


	4. Monday Night

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_**Chapter 4**_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing___

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_**Monday Night**_

Catherine decided to head into work half an hour early tonight in the hopes of finding the notebook's owner before the start of shift so she wouldn't have it hanging over her head all night while she worked.

After dropping her things off in her office she headed to the break room for a cup of coffee.

"Evenin' Cath," Warrick greeted as Catherine walked in. Nick, who was sitting across from him at the table reading a newspaper, offered her a quick wave.

Catherine smiled as she poured herself a cup of coffee before joining them at the table, setting the notebook next to her mug. "Hey boys, how's it going?"

"Not bad," Nick replied then spied the composition book. "Whatcha got there? Trying to write a book or something?"

The blonde chuckled. "No, nothing like that, actually I was hoping maybe one of you guys could help me." She held up the book and offered it to them. Nick took it. "Does this look familiar to either of you? I found it in the locker room a few nights ago and I'm pretty sure it's someone's diary or something based on what's written in there."

Nick automatically set the book down as if it had just suddenly spontaneously combusted. "You read someone's journal?"

Warrick let out long even whistle before pushing the notebook back to her with one finger. "Dang Catherine, why'd you do that? That ain't cool."

Catherine looked taken aback. "It's not like I knew _before _I opened the damn thing that it was a journal!" She scoffed. "God, thanks for not freaking out on me right away you guys."

"Sorry," Nick muttered apologetically and quickly got up to busy himself at the counter.

Warrick sighed and squeezed Catherine's hand reassuringly from across the table. "We didn't mean it like that. Look, we can help you find whoever this thing belongs to ok? We'll ask around."

Catherine looked from Warrick, to Nick, then back again. "You realize you just volunteered Nick to help without even asking, right?"

"It's no biggie, Nicky will do whatever I tell him to if he ever wants to get that copy of the new Grand Theft Auto game I'm offerin him."

The Texan tossed a crumbled up paper towel at the other man's head before snickering. "Man, it'd be easier for me to just go out and _buy _my own copy than jump through half the hoops you got me goin through."

"Whatever," Warrick punched him on the arm lightly as he stood up. He turned back to Catherine. "Don't worry bout it Cath, we got it covered."

"Thanks guys." Catherine smiled as she watched them walk out while half-heartedly arguing with each other.

The blonde sat sipping her coffee for the next 15 minutes. She waved politely to some of the CSI's she worked with back when she was Swing-Shift supervisor as they passed by at the end of their shift. It was almost 10 minutes before the night shift was set to begin when Sara walked in.

"Hey Sara," Catherine decided to play nice despite their last falling-out.

"Hey," Sara smiled politely. It looked like she had the same idea as Catherine. Some days it was just easier to pretend to be nice than to get emotional and earn yourself a nice migraine at the end of the day.

"Oh Sara, before I forget, do you know who this belongs to?" She held up the notebook and as Sara's brown eyes connected with it she immediately looked happier than she had the past few days.

"My journal!"

Catherine paused. "_Your_-journal?" She stood in disbelief as the brunette crossed the room in 3 strides and all but ripped the notebook out of her hands.

Sara flipped through all the pages as if to bring back whatever memories it harbored for her. "Where'd you find it?!" She questioned after a moment.

"Uh, in the locker room last week. I opened it to see—"

"You what?! You opened it?!" The brunette's eyes nearly could have popped out of their sockets at hearing this.

"I had to! I mean, I didn't _have _to! I just thought that there was a name or something inside. I'm sorry."

"You had _no _right to do that Catherine! No right! This is low, even for you."

Catherine's mouth fell open in disbelief and her hands went to her hips because if they didn't go somewhere they might have ended up wrapped around Sara's neck in a second.

"Whoa, I was trying to _help_. If anything _you _have no right to be biting my head off! I could've just left the damn thing lying on the ground to get thrown away. Or worse; be read by Hodges! And judging by what I read the garbage option would've been safer!"

Sara looked hurt. She clutched the notebook to her as if her life depended on it.

"I hate you so much right now Catherine." Sara muttered through gritted teeth. She was trying to hold back from just completely losing it and lashing out at the other woman.

'_How much had she read_?' The thought rang in her head like a gunshot.

"Good!" Catherine shouted. "New material for your diary!"

"Go to hell,"

Just as Catherine opened her mouth to retort a familiar voice interrupted.

"Catherine! Sara! My office NOW!"

Both women turned slowly to find Grissom standing in the doorway with about half the lab watching their little display through the glass, including Nick and Warrick, who ran off in opposite directions the second the women turned around.

'_Great,'_ Catherine cursed under her breath as she reluctantly followed Gil into his office, Sara right behind them.

…/…/…/…

"Well?" Grissom asked simply once they were all seated.

"Well what?" Catherine spat.

"What is it this time ladies? You aren't assigned a case together tonight, so it can't possibly be that. No promotions to squabble over. So what in God's name has you two practically at each other's throats for the whole lab to see?!"

Catherine shot Sara a death glare, indicating that she could answer.

"Catherine read my journal." Sara instantly regretted how childish the declaration had sounded. She bit the inside of her cheek and tried again. "I mean, I have a journal, I lost it a few days ago, and apparently Ms. Willows found it and decided to do a little light reading." The brunette tightened her already white-knuckled grip on the notebook in her lap.

Gil turned calmly to the blonde. "Is that true Catherine?"

"No, Gil, what happened was that I simply opened the notebook to see if the owner had written their name in it." She gazed at Sara from the corner of her eye. "Like any normal person would..."

Sara tried to protest but Gil held up a hand.

"I understand that, but did you read anything _other_ than the cover page?"

"…Yes…" Catherine felt a pang of guilt brought on by his simple question, and if Grissom could make you feel guilty about something, you knew you had royally screwed up.

Gil took off his glasses, rubbed the bridge of his nose, and sighed.

"Ladies, I don't know what to do with you." He sounded like a torn father. "I can't have you two fighting every other week over minor indiscretions—"

"Gil!"

"Just a minute Sara, I'm not saying your private musings are insignificant. I'm just saying that you two need to grow up and work your problems out like adults."

Catherine crossed her arms defiantly and was tempted to stick her tongue out at Sara to add to the effect but she reasoned that would've been beyond stupid.

"Sara," Grissom eyed her seriously first. "This _isn't_ Junior High, and you certainly don't need to be bringing your _diary_ into work with you. It's just unprofessional. I would normally say, do what you wish with that sort of thing but it's obvious you can't keep track of these things. Catherine was just using common sense to try to help and you use that as an excuse to fight. That will not be tolerated in this department."

"So what does that mean?" Sara muttered, already expecting the worst.

"It means, you have a lot of personal days Sara and I suggest you take a few to cool off. As for you Catherine, go home tonight but I want you back here first thing tomorrow night. Both of you understand?"

Despite her stubbornness Catherine protested. "Gil, it's really not necessary for you to suspend Sara. She had every right to be angry."

Both Sara and Grissom eyed Catherine as if she had a bomb strapped to her. This was completely out of character for her after one of her and Sara's infamous fights.

"That's very noble Catherine, but I've made my decision. Maybe the two of you should spend some of your off-time talking out your differences." With that said Gil got up and simply walked out towards the break room to hand out assignments to the rest of the team.

The two sat in silence for a moment before Catherine spoke up. "Look Sara, I'm really sorry. It was an honest mistake…"

"Save it Catherine," The brunette spat before storming out of the room and headed towards the parking lot.

Catherine rolled her eyes as she watched Sara leave before she started towards her office. She understood where the other woman's anger was coming from, but she couldn't help but feel as if she was overreacting a little too much.

'_It's just some poems and…'_

The blonde came to a dead halt in the middle of the hallway. Confused lab techs dodged her to avoid slamming into her, but Catherine didn't care. It suddenly became all too clear as to why Sara was so furious. She thought back to the very last entry she had read. She almost didn't believe it.

'…_Sara has a crush on another woman…'_

'_But who?'_

_**TBC….**_

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_Next chapter will start off in Sara's POV…_

_Please review._

_Nicole_


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